


no one to cry to, no place to call home

by unsaved_misc



Series: epicsmp [1]
Category: Epicsmp - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Brief mentions of gore, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, EpicSMP, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pyrophobia, Recovery, Reminiscing, The Nether (Minecraft), Trauma, also rav and ross r brothers in this, angst with a happy ending ya know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:08:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29014110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_misc/pseuds/unsaved_misc
Summary: rav could never have exactly what he wanted, ever since he was a kid. something always had to be off.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: epicsmp [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179239
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	no one to cry to, no place to call home

**Author's Note:**

> HEYYYOOOO this isn't canon with epicsmp official lore or anything (bc rav n ross aren't really roleplaying) but i wanted to make some of my own lore!! this was just a lil thing i wanted to write about rav + ross's brotherly dynamic :)

“you know you don’t have to come with me, right?” ross turned around to look at rav, his expression something between concentration and worry. usually, ross wasn’t the type of person to let thoughts ruminate, but he’d asked rav if he was okay with this three times already. rav wasn’t annoyed at all, mainly because he understood why ross was so concerned, and he didn’t blame him. 

“ross. i’m going with you.” rav confirmed, dipping his head and giving him a look. rav knew that this trip was needed in some way, shape, or form, considering his only trips to the nether had been for a few minutes with large groups of people. he felt like this had to be his way of combating the past, getting over that dull pain he felt. plus, rav felt like something awful was going to happen if he wasn’t there to protect ross. he didn’t trust anyone, or anything, down there. ross didn’t look fully convinced.

“i just want you to know i’m okay with finding netherite on my own. you don’t have to go if you...feel…” ross grasped for the right word.

“scared?” rav asked, fidgeting with the skin around his thumbnail. he hated that ross knew how afraid he could be sometimes.

“you’re not weak for feeling nervous, rav.” 

“i’m not nervous. i’m going with you.” rav replied, crossing his arms. ross nodded slowly, adjusting the strap of his bag around his shoulder.

“fair enough.” ross said with a nod. “you ready?”

“mm hm.” rav nodded in reply, attempting a smile. they stepped through the portal, feeling the flurry of dizziness and shielding their eyes from the light, rays of orchid and amethyst penetrating the dark space behind their eyelids. people usually thought it was beautiful, but it made rav sick, a pull in the pit of his stomach. it took a few seconds before the world began to grow clearer around them, the dark crimson rock of the nether emerging before their eyes. rav couldn’t explain the tug of fear he felt in his chest being here, how the air collected in a yellowed smog, how the ground beneath your feet could still feel freezing cold in this hot wasteland. he steeled himself, digging his nails into his palms as he took a deep breath. the air here was hard to breathe in, but rav and ross were used to the dense atmosphere. rav remembers how calming it felt to finally reach the surface for the first time, how breathing was less of a chore. 

“well, here we are. home sweet home.” ross hummed, a hand on his sword as it hung in his belt. rav scoffed at the words, glaring at his surroundings.

“i’d prefer if it wasn’t.” he replied, scuffing his shoe against the currant-colored netherrack. red dust rubbed off on his sneaker, dirtying the white. he frowned.

“don’t worry. we’ll be out of here as soon as we find something.” ross looked down at his brother with a smile, fangs poking out past his lips. he looked as if he wanted to ask rav something again, but he pushed it down, looking ahead of them again and trying to find a route.

“let’s go this way.” he suggested, heading northeast from where they stood. rav nodded in agreement but didn’t say anything, clutching at the bag of ender pearls on his belt. he might need them. they walked in silence for a few minutes as ross attempted to find a good place to start digging, making clicking noises with his tongue every now and then. rav watched him, trying to walk in the same exact footprints.

“i don’t think we’ve ever been to this region before.” ross commented, looking out on the horizon to their left, a large cliff with lavafalls dripping over the side. “at least, in the past.”

“nope. we weren’t really allowed to go anywhere else.” rav picked at a loose thread on the sleeve of his hoodie, surprisingly not hot in the current conditions. he thought back to the fortress they used to live in, bricks the color of black ichor, freezing and unforgiving. it was kind of funny, being so cold in a place surrounded by heat. or maybe it was more depressing than funny.

“rav.”

“what?”

“you almost fell in that hole.” ross pointed out, and upon looking down, a large crater sat there, jagged with age. rav backed up a few steps, looking up at ross apologetically.

“s-sorry. lost in my head.” he excused, and ross just nodded, continuing onward. rav sighed, trying to keep his thoughts on the present, ross’s echoing footsteps. he thought about how lucky he was to have ross with him. without ross, rav probably wouldn’t have had the will or strength to break out of this place when he did, would just be stuck here to become another mindless soldier. the thought makes him shudder. ross is the smart one, the one who always knows how to fix machines or builds his own creations, and rav admires it. ross is the reason he keeps going, why he tries to build and create. he’s lost in his thoughts again when he bumps right into ross, who’s standing stock still in front of him. 

“ross, what-” rav starts, but then he looks forward and he sees it. a piglin, probably as big as the two of the combined, its skin tough and leathery. large spines stick out of its back, jagged like they’ve been broken off multiple times. the eyes are white, emotionless and unfeeling, and rav wants nothing more than to turn away and  _ run.  _ however, he looks at ross and feels that empty bravery again, the kind he needs whenever he’s in a conflict. he’s not brave, but he can pretend. he pulls his bow off from his back, drawing an arrow. ross looks back at him, raising his shield and retrieving his sword.

“i got this, ross.” rav assures him, slipping away to the left and firing off his arrow. it sticks into the piglin’s side, but not deep enough to hit anything important. rav knows it’ll take multiple hits to get through the skin, but he’s ready. he can do this. the piglin rears its head, moving its attention to rav. rav fires off another arrow, missing, hitting the ground a couple inches next to the beast.

“fuck.” rav mumbles, and he can hear the hooves starting to clop toward him, the angry squealing echoing in his ears. he’s pulling out another arrow but he’s not moving fast enough, his mind running, his fingers shaking-

and there’s ross, racing forward and slamming his sword down across the piglin’s neck. it’s too thick to cut through bone but it’s doing the job, blood spewing from the wound. ross backs up, motioning for rav to follow him. rav does so, his bow still drawn, watching the creature flail about and scream. he aims for the skull, letting go of the string of his bow, and he watches the beast stop short. it sways for a moment, its gruesome sounds dying away, and it finally falls. the brothers wait a moment before approaching, the silence around them unfortunately pressing. rav leans over it, picking out his arrows and putting them back in his quiver.

“i feel bad killing those things.” rav mumbled, patting the piglin gently. “if they lived up on the surface, they wouldn’t be so violent.” he looked back at ross, who just nodded in agreement, a strange look on his face that rav wasn’t quite sure he understood. rav could be closed off sometimes, so much so that it was hard for rav to guess what he was feeling. rav, however, let his emotions go, feeling that it was best to let things out instead of bottling them up. and, even when he tried to, everyone could see what was wrong. 

“just think, we probably put it out of its misery.” ross suggested, and rav knew he had a point. maybe what he’d done was good. he hoped so.

they continued walking on, their path lit by the glowstone growing out of the floor and walls, and they eventually found a pocket of rock to start digging in. ross began in one direction and rav was left to walk the opposite way, his pickaxe in hand. it felt heavier than he remembered. he didn’t like how quiet things were in the nether compared to the surface; up above, you could hear the wind rustling through the trees and the birds chirping, but down here, it was silence. it was eerie and off-putting, and rav began to hit against the rocks just to create a sound. for a while, he found nothing but netherrack and a few pieces of nether quartz, but no netherite in sight. rav wondered if ross was having any luck finding materials, but he probably would’ve notified him already. rav had the urge to go find him, that if he left ross for too long he would simply disappear or be attacked, but he knew it would be disappointing if he didn’t find any netherite. just one piece. one piece and he could get ross and run to the portal and go back to where it was safe. 

“rav!” a voice yelled from somewhere behind him, bouncing off the walls of the tunnel. rav jumped startled, looking around him to try and find the source.

“rav, where are you?” it was ross. rav skidded out of his place in the tunnel, racing to find where ross was yelling from. for all he knew, something awful could’ve been happening, something he could’ve prevented.  _ dear god, please let this be alright. _

“i’m here, i’m here!” rav shouted, hating how the noise bounded around him and made him feel dizzy. something about the tunnel felt off, the air thicker than normal, the walls reverberating with heat. it felt like it was getting to rav’s brain, cooking up his insides. he turned a few more corners in the winding tunnels until he’d finally found ross, standing at the end of a long hall.

“i struck a lava pool on accident. we gotta get out of here now before it floods the place.” ross glanced down to the cherry-colored floor, molten lava moving across the ground at an alarming speed. “just hop over it, fast.” a few seconds passed, ross’s blue eyes darting from rav to the lava, back and forth. rav felt like he couldn’t move, his hands starting to tremble.

rav fucking  _ hated  _ being scared. he didn’t like appearing weak to other people, especially ross, considering how he looked up to him so much. but, even if he couldn’t help it, fire and lava terrified him. it was his heritage and his upbringing, it was the pain he felt and the scars on his back and the countless hours he spent attempting to be solid. the sight of lava sickened him, froze him in his tracks, reminded him of every negative and harsh thing he wanted to leave behind him. and, even worse, he was  _ here.  _ rav opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“rav, come on. we gotta go.” ross urged, somewhat calm. rav never understood how he could be so composed, like everything that had happened to the two of them had never existed. rav wished he could live that way, content with what happened, never afraid. 

“i c-can’t.” rav mumbled, but the hiss and pop of the magma was too loud, the sound of burning flesh and echoing screams trapped in his brain. he wouldn’t be surprised if he had somehow traveled back in time.

“rav, we can’t stay here. just hop over the lava. you can do it.” ross held out his hand, and rav looked at it, examining the calloused palm, the burn marks left behind. ross was wrong; he couldn’t do it. rav hardly felt his legs when he started running, vertigo muddling his brain, blood pumping harshly in his ears. he turned, sprinting in the opposite direction and shutting out the alarming shouts of ross behind him. he hardly paid attention to where he was running, the tunnels winding and dark, the only light coming from the occasional glowstone deposits in the ceiling. rav didn’t think, didn’t feel anything despite the terror of his past, eating him up like flames burn paper. he eventually wandered into a larger sort of clearing, bare and empty rock, free from fire for now. he looked out into the distance, upon the crumbling rock formations and the low hanging ceilings. he could see flames whipping across the fields miles away, harshly blown by warm winds, falls of lava flowing from above where he could see. there was a tower in the distance, black and cold, beaten with age. it made rav stumble backwards, lingering under a crimson tree and shaded by the vines that swayed gently in the breeze. rav crawled backwards until his spine bumped into the wood, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face in them to subdue his tears. he hadn’t even realized he was crying until he could hear his own sobs echoing from under the tree, his hand clawing at his chest and trying to stop the panic attack he was suffering through.

he couldn’t believe he’d just done that. ross had given him a simple action to complete, was counting on him to be cooperative, and rav  _ ran away _ . he knew he wasn’t capable of coming back here and being fine. all he wanted was to get over this, to be able to travel back to his “home” without facing the awful memories he had. to be fair, the nether was beautiful in a strange way. rav liked how the garnet trees felt like the only real kind of nature in this place, standing in solitude by their own. he liked those times when he could stare outside of his cell and watched the ghasts float by, their melodies haunting and alluring, singing rav to sleep when he needed it. rav even liked the blue fire, how it felt cold to the touch instead of singeing his hands. it was just a shame that all of those pleasant things were stuck amidst the rage and hatred and darkness of the nether. rav could never have exactly what he wanted, ever since he was a kid. something always had to be off. he sniffled, covering his eye-mouths and stifling his tears. he just wanted to stop crying, stop looking weak and passive. he wouldn’t overcome anything that way.

“rav?” he heard ross’s voice calling out to him, somewhere in the distance. despite how safe it made him feel, rav buried himself further into his arms, pressing so hard on his eye-mouths that it started to hurt. he was too embarrassed to come out and face ross. he felt like a coward, like he wasn’t worth ross’s time, and afraid that ross would chastise him for coming along when he knew he couldn’t do it. he sat perfectly still, his sobs dying off into little sniffles, his fingers rooted in his hair. rav could hear footsteps coming toward him, closer and closer as they crunched over rock, the brush of crimson vines being pushed aside. finally, they stopped in front of rav, the silence inordinate.

“rav,” ross spoke, his voice soothing, “it’s okay.” rav felt his bottom lip trembling again, his throat thick with tears.

“i messed up.” rav mumbled into his knees, his grip tightening on his hair. he just wanted to curl up in a ball so tightly that he phased out of existence. ross sighed, the sound making rav cringe.

“i told you, it’s okay.” ross repeated. “can you look at me?” rav paused before loosening his shoulders a bit, opening his eyes and tilting his head up from his knees. ross was kneeling in front of him, his head cocked as he observed his brother, a pitying look on his face. rav couldn’t tell if he was smiling or frowning.

“i’m sorry.”

“you don’t have to apologize.” 

“but i do.” rav urged, unfolding himself from his ball. “me being scared of everything could’ve gotten you killed. i knew i couldn’t do it, but i came here anyway.” rav looked down at his sneakers, trying his best not to cry again.

“and i don’t think you’re stupid for doing that.” ross commented, knowing what would come next. it seemed like ross always knew what rav was going to say. rav huffed, fidgeting with the bandages on his arms.

“you weren’t ready, and that’s okay.” ross patted his arm. “it’s going to take a lot of time to get over what happened.”

“but how did  _ you  _ get over it, ross?” rav asked, rubbing at his eye-mouths and trying not to cry as he talked, voice wavering. “i feel like you can handle everything.”

“i still get scared sometimes, rav. i’m not as put together as you think i am.” he dipped his head slightly, and rav still felt like he couldn’t quite understand. he’d never been able to get it into his head that ross could be afraid or nervous or unsure, invariably viewing him as the perfect older brother that was always put together. 

“i’m honestly not over it. but, the one thing that helps me is knowing i don’t have to be afraid of being stuck here anymore. i’m free.  _ we’re  _ free.” he poked rav in the shoulder and rav blinked, processing the information. ross  _ did  _ have a point. there was nothing keeping them here anymore, no hierarchy of ethereal beings holding them down. it seemed like ever since they escaped, nobody had cared. nobody came after them. there was really nothing to be afraid of, except for the past.

“it’s easier said than done,” ross continued, “and it takes a lot of time to keep that mindset, but it definitely helps. it’s something you can hold onto.” he stares at rav carefully, examining him like a doctor.

“i could try.” rav pauses, staring at his hands. “the only reason i came is because i was scared something bad would happen to you.” he looks up at ross, who’s smiling, almost like he’s about to laugh. rav finds himself smiling too without even realizing it, a tiny smirk on his face.

“you thought i couldn’t protect myself?” 

“no, no! i was just scared, like, what if a pigman got you and you never came home and-” rav stopped himself there, swallowing before he continued. “hey, if you didn’t have me around today, you might’ve gotten hurt because of that piglin.” he raised his eyebrows.

“you do have a point.” ross admitted, placing his fingers under his chin as if he was thinking. “your arrows were really helping.” 

“hey!” rav exclaimed, pushing ross’s shoulder lightly. “that’s unfair. i did an okay job.” ross chuckled, ruffling rav’s hair.

“you certainly did. let’s get back home, bud.” ross stands while rav is fiddling with his hair and trying to get it back into place, extending a hand. rav looks at the burn marks, little bumps and grooves in ross’s palm, but he doesn’t look away this time. instead, he takes ross’s hand and stands up, wavering on his feet. despite still feeling a little scared of everything around him, watching the heat waves rise above the pools of lava in the distance, he knows that he has ross. ross is his rock, his support beam through all of the terrible shit he’s gone through. and, of course, rav knows he can’t always lean on ross or rely on him to be there, but that’s where he feels strong. he knows he can be potent and valid on his own if he really sets his mind to it, thinking of all the times he had to fight by himself without ross around. rav doesn’t have to be brave all the time, but he knows he can at least try when he needs to. rav looks up at ross, determined as ever, searching for the exit. that gives him solace for now.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed! please leave feedback <33


End file.
